Kicks And Giggles Thread

[Jose]

Subject: Jokes and more jokes

 

A rich American living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies.

 

He also 'invited' Colin, a simple Aussie bloke who mowed his lawns and looked after the place. Colin's job was to serve drinks, not participate in the party.

 

He held the party around the pool in the 50 acre backyard of his mansion.

 

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, and course eating prawns and oysters from the BBQ. Colin worked like a trooper ensuring all the guests were happy.

 

At the height of the party, the host called for quiet, and then announced, "I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool, and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'

 

The words were barely out of his mouth, when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around to see Colin in the pool desperately fighting the croc, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches at its snout, and doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail, and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo instructor.

 

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.

 

Both Colin and the croc were screaming and roaring and raising hell.

 

No-one was sure who would win....

 

Finally Colin strangled the croc to death, and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

 

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool, scratched and bruised from head to toe.

 

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

 

The host says, 'Wow Colin! That was amazing - you sure deserve that million dollars!'

 

'Nah, its all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

 

The rich man was astounded. He said 'Man, that was unbelievably brave, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about 2 million bucks then?'

 

'No thanks... I don't want it,' answered Colin.

 

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. I only meant it as a joke and I feel terrible - you could have been killed. How about a 5 million dollars, a new Porsche AND a Rolex AND some stock options?’

 

Again, Colin said "No."

 

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?

 

Colin said, "I want the fucking cunt who pushed me in!"